I recently sent Goose off to a trainer. I felt like my lack of confidence was what was holding us up. I felt that if she could go and get some “miles” put on her (the trainer lives on a 6000 acre ranch and would use the acreage to ride her as well as use her to go round up cattle), and give her a “job” (she also took her to the sale barn weekly and worked cattle with her there) she would be better. I’m not sure that’s how it worked. She seems as busy minded and maybe a little more anxious than when I sent her.
I’ve decided to go back to the basics with Warwick Schiller’s approach. I feel like anxiety may be at the root of her issues. I’m going to help her learn to relax, to come down from feeling anxious. And as I type this I realize I probably need it just as much as she does.
I’m currently reading the book Mind to Matter by Dawson Church. It has reminded me just how much intention and our thoughts create ripples and reality.
Yesterday I was out with Goose for morning feeding. Fiddler gets fed seperate in the morning so I hang with the mares while he eats. Goose came up and we ended up in this fantastic meditative space where I was so present and petting her, paying attention to her eyes and how she felt. It was wonderful. She stayed for quite a while. Later in the afternoon I thought, “That would make a great tik tok video” so I set out to the pasture to recreate the situation so I could video it. HA. What an eye roll she gave me. She wouldn’t stay with me for more than a second. I worked on connection by change of focus and she definitely is better at that, but come and spend time with you for a tik tok video. hells to the no she said.
This morning I went out for feeding time and after reading a chapter in Mind to Matter about energy fields, I decided to just play around with being near her. Not touching her. ugh. it’s so hard. I stood near her. She came up to me, and nosed me a little, gave me her nose to kiss, which I did, but I didn’t reach out to pet her. I noticed as we did this her lip began to twitch. I stayed really present and she walked away, not far, just a few steps, stood there and then had a big yawn and lick and chew. She came back over to me, and the same thing happened. She nosed me, stood near me, I didn’t touch her, she began to twitch around her face, walked away a few steps and had herself a yawn and lick and chew. It happened one more time, though this time she wandered off to her favorite sunny spot by the shelter. When she got to her spot she turned and looked at me and kept connected to me until she closed her eyes in the sun.
This really got me to wondering how comfortable she really is to be around people without an expectation. When we are riding she always seems to need to “do the next thing” she’s very uncomfortable just being. Today’s experience made me wonder if she’s struggling with “just being” with people all together and I just hadn’t noticed before because I’m always “doing” something, petting, training, connecting, stressing… whatever. I think I will continue to see how she does “just being” for a while and see what happens.
